Mussels: Petite Jacqueline

Tempted by the prospect of some artery clogging french cuisine and a great view of the porn store in Longfellow Center, the wife and I made the trek out to Petite Jacqueline last month. It was dusk on one of those beautiful Saturday nights we enjoyed in late July/early August and we chose to eat outside. Our palettes were treated to some deliciously rich food and our eyes were delighted by the stream of hipsters and weirdos that seem to constantly occupy the spaces in and around the square.

Appetizer #1 - French Onion Soup $7 - It seemed almost obligatory that one of our app choices be this soup. We found it to be sweet and the onions were stewed to the point that they melted in your mouth. Gruyere cheese melted on top with four pieces of french bread added some savoriness to the dish. The only critique I had is it would have been nice to cut the bread a little thicker for some textural contrast as it quickly turned to mush in the hot soup. Overall it was very delicious and big enough to share.

Appetizer #2 - Escargot $9 - Nothing says "whoo look at me I'm eating at a french restaurant and am interested in appearing as daring and authentic as possible" as ordering snails. Oddly enough this is not my first go-round with these little gastropods and I have to say these were the best I had ever had. The snails were cooked until tender and smothered in a deliciously creamy sauce. Unlike the french bread in the soup, the two pieces of puff pastry stood up and added a nice textural contrast to the decadence of the sauce. I probably liked this better than the wife who seemed to be a little off put by the earthiness(strange for a sea creature) of the snails but like the soup the size was suitable for sharing.

Side - Ratatouille $6 - The wife ordered this a la carte but I ended up finishing it when her eyes proved larger than her stomach. Individually I'm not a fan of any of the vegetables featured in this dish but together they blended beautifully. Each veggie was cooked to the same level of tenderness and melded together with a tomato-y base that broke up the heaviness of both of our mains.

Main Course #1 - Quiche with pancetta and truffle oil $12 - Holy heavy cream Batman! This was the wife's choice and it was rich as fuck (fuck is rich right?) The eggs were creamy and melted away with each bite leaving the saltiness of the pancetta, the crunch of the flaky crust and the aromatics of the truffle oil. It was absolutely delicious and at $12 a great value. She ordered the ratatouille in anticipation that this wouldn't be a real entree but ended up not being able to finish either. A little side salad with a mild olive oil dressing was nice and this was another dish that I was happy to finish for her.

Main Course #2 - Steak Frites $21 - Judging from the other patrons this seemed to be the most popular main course on the menu. The fries were hand cut, thin and crispy but still tender inside. In lieu of ketchup those crazy french bastards prefer mayonnaise which was OK but maybe a little bit of overkill. I ordered the steak medium-rare and found it to be cooked perfectly, no small task for a flank cut. The meat was well seasoned and tender. My only complaint here was no steak knife, so instead of hacking it to death with a butter knife I let my teeth do the work. Not a super classy way to eat and I think I saw a meth head sitting in the park nodding in agreement at my lack of table manners. Just living the dream.

Including tip we weighed in at just over $70, a sum I was more than happy to fork over considering the level of care and expertise that went into every course. Inside the restaurant looked really busy and I would suggest reservations if you plan on visiting them during at a high traffic time.

Mussels: Ariel's Hummus

From the looks of the mob whenever I venture out of the office every aging hippy lady in the greater Portland area already knows about this delicious secret. Sold at a stand in front of Big Sky in Monument Square at the weekly farmers' market on Wednesday, Ariel's hummus is quite simply...the shit. Well that's not exactly true, the hummus is above average but the fresh made pita bread is world changing.

- Chipolte Cilantro Hummus - $3.50 - There are 3 varieties of hummus offered, the chipolte/cilantro, plain and one garnished with whole chick peas. I always gravitate towards the hot and have gone through 2 cartons of this stuff. The texture is nice and creamy with a spicy finish. The cilantro adds more to the nice greenish color than it does the taste but overall this is much better than any store bought hummus I've ever tried.

- Package of 5 Pita Breads - $5.00 - Being the uneducated gringo ( or whatever a person of Middle Eastern descent would call me) that I am, I had always associated pita bread with that scratchy, tasteless, hollow stuff found in most grocery stores. The bread turned out by Ariel and his cronies is far from that unpleasant experience. First the bread is not hollow and second it's as soft and fluffy as a pillow. They bake it so fresh that once I received it still hot in the bag. If $5 seems pricy then well... you're an idiot, please leave. One loaf of bread and a 1/3 of hummus is enough for a suitable lunch, even for a growing boy like myself.

If you're in downtown Portland during the day on Wednesday then a stop at Ariel's booth is required. This stuff is really special.

Mussels: Zapoteca

On Saturday night the wife and I ventured out to Zapoteca, occupying the space once held by Portland Pie and more recently by Siano's Pizzeria. When someone says Mexican food to me I automatically think casual, cheap and fast. Zapoteca is none of these things. Was it good? Umm, there were some good things about it but I wouldn't necessarily say I enjoyed the meal all that much. If the wife makes me wear a shirt with a collar and drop $75 I expect a lot more than we got a Zapoteca.

Appetizer - Salsa and Chips $7.00 - 3 types of salsa, one based on sweet onions and tomato chunks, a tomatillo based green one and finally a conventional pureed red tomato salsa. The last 2 were served hot which I found to be a little odd and I thought muddled the flavors some. All you could really tell was that it was hot and then spicy. The chips were out of a bag and stale. Also why the fuck am I paying $7 for chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant? Oh that's right because I'm an idiot and enjoy letting restaurants mark me up 700%. We actually ended up going through 2 servings of chips because there was such a long wait for the main courses. The 2nd set of chips were fresher and free so that's something.

Main Course - Mole Poblano Chicken Enchiladas $16 - I'm a sucker for a good mole. It satisfies some long ignored taste buds at the back of my tongue and when I see it on a menu it's hard for me to pass. Zapoteca's came on top of 3 flour tortilla chicken enchiladas with a side of refried beans. The mole itself was very nice, hitting some complex chocolate notes and finishing spicy. The refried beans had a great texture and added some much needed saltiness to counteract the sweetness of the mole. The chicken inside the enchilada's was a little dry but still serviceable. I appreciated the complete lack of cheese inside the enchiladas as it allowed the mole to stand out. Overall not the best one I've ever had but still good.

Main Course - Carnitas $21 or $22 - The wife's course came with refried beans, some sort of pickled pink veg, a couple slices of avacado and 3 flour tortillas. At the outset I would like to say, I love salty food. Whenever I crave something it's salt, never sweets. It's hard to out-salt me. That being said the salt on the pork in this dish was so aggressive it actually hurt. As I sit here typing this I am running my tongue over the canker sores that opened up inside my mouth. Every bite felt like I was eating an entire bag of Ruffles potato chips. The wife tried valiantly but could only eat half of it leaving me to choke down the rest. At $20+ there was no way I was leaving any protein on the plate no matter how unappetizing it may have been.

Dessert - Banana Bread Pudding $7.00 - Dessert became necessary after the carnitas, as both of our palettes needed a little relief from the relentless salt beatings they took. Fortunately it turned into the highlight of the meal and probably the only thing we had that was priced appropriately. The bread was soft and just sweet enough with a layer of banana pudding. A shot of tequila poured over the top was aggressive but added some interest and enhanced the aromatic elements of the dish.

Zapoteca was OK but did not offer anything markedly better than a $10 dish you can get at any other number of Mexican restaurants in the greater Portland area. Also it may just have been me and this may be nitpicky but I felt like the tables were 1-2" too low and I had to hunch over my plate to eat. With the competition for the food dollar in Portland so brutal it's hard to imagine that we'll be headed back any time soon.