Mussels: Zapoteca

On Saturday night the wife and I ventured out to Zapoteca, occupying the space once held by Portland Pie and more recently by Siano's Pizzeria. When someone says Mexican food to me I automatically think casual, cheap and fast. Zapoteca is none of these things. Was it good? Umm, there were some good things about it but I wouldn't necessarily say I enjoyed the meal all that much. If the wife makes me wear a shirt with a collar and drop $75 I expect a lot more than we got a Zapoteca.

Appetizer - Salsa and Chips $7.00 - 3 types of salsa, one based on sweet onions and tomato chunks, a tomatillo based green one and finally a conventional pureed red tomato salsa. The last 2 were served hot which I found to be a little odd and I thought muddled the flavors some. All you could really tell was that it was hot and then spicy. The chips were out of a bag and stale. Also why the fuck am I paying $7 for chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant? Oh that's right because I'm an idiot and enjoy letting restaurants mark me up 700%. We actually ended up going through 2 servings of chips because there was such a long wait for the main courses. The 2nd set of chips were fresher and free so that's something.

Main Course - Mole Poblano Chicken Enchiladas $16 - I'm a sucker for a good mole. It satisfies some long ignored taste buds at the back of my tongue and when I see it on a menu it's hard for me to pass. Zapoteca's came on top of 3 flour tortilla chicken enchiladas with a side of refried beans. The mole itself was very nice, hitting some complex chocolate notes and finishing spicy. The refried beans had a great texture and added some much needed saltiness to counteract the sweetness of the mole. The chicken inside the enchilada's was a little dry but still serviceable. I appreciated the complete lack of cheese inside the enchiladas as it allowed the mole to stand out. Overall not the best one I've ever had but still good.

Main Course - Carnitas $21 or $22 - The wife's course came with refried beans, some sort of pickled pink veg, a couple slices of avacado and 3 flour tortillas. At the outset I would like to say, I love salty food. Whenever I crave something it's salt, never sweets. It's hard to out-salt me. That being said the salt on the pork in this dish was so aggressive it actually hurt. As I sit here typing this I am running my tongue over the canker sores that opened up inside my mouth. Every bite felt like I was eating an entire bag of Ruffles potato chips. The wife tried valiantly but could only eat half of it leaving me to choke down the rest. At $20+ there was no way I was leaving any protein on the plate no matter how unappetizing it may have been.

Dessert - Banana Bread Pudding $7.00 - Dessert became necessary after the carnitas, as both of our palettes needed a little relief from the relentless salt beatings they took. Fortunately it turned into the highlight of the meal and probably the only thing we had that was priced appropriately. The bread was soft and just sweet enough with a layer of banana pudding. A shot of tequila poured over the top was aggressive but added some interest and enhanced the aromatic elements of the dish.

Zapoteca was OK but did not offer anything markedly better than a $10 dish you can get at any other number of Mexican restaurants in the greater Portland area. Also it may just have been me and this may be nitpicky but I felt like the tables were 1-2" too low and I had to hunch over my plate to eat. With the competition for the food dollar in Portland so brutal it's hard to imagine that we'll be headed back any time soon.

Mussels: The District

In the mood for something new last Friday, the wife and I ventured out to the District on Danforth Street just west of the Old Port. Walking in my spider sense immediately started tingling, trying to warn me I had just entered a douchy bar. The signs were everywhere; cold (some would say sleek) color scheme, empty walls, 80% of the staff had unnecessary tattoos and a couple of ridiculously dressed (ahem) ladies bellied up to the bar. We took our place at the high tops next to the (ahem) ladies and hoped for the best while preparing for the worst. The menu seemed to be typical bar fare with a heavier emphasis on seafood. I must say upfront that although I wasn't impressed by my surroundings, once I started shoving food down my throat the mood quickly lightened.

Starter - Maine Crab Meat Fritters $9.00 - There were 5 of these things when the plate was dropped off but 2 were gone before I could get my phone out my pocket. They were a little light on the crab, but they were still fried crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside, i.e. fucking delicious. Probably not worth $1.80 a fritter and I wouldn't get them again but a good start none-the-less. That red stuff is ketchup, the white is tartar sauce, neither was notable or necessary.

Wife's Meal - Bacon Cheeseburger with Fries $12.00 - Yeah, sure it's a just a burger and fries. But damnit there is something to be said for ordering meat medium rare and getting it medium fucking rare. This thing was large, bloody, and delicious just the way a burger should be. Most of the fries ended up in my stomach which was ideal as they were hand cut with great texture and just the right amount of salt.

My Meal - Roasted and Fried Chicken with Grits, Greens and Gravy $17.00 - Holy shit. This was amazing. The plate had two cuts of chicken, one fried, one roasted, delicately placed atop a bed of spicy grits, gravy and collard greens. The fried chicken cutlet was by far the worst component. It seemed to shrink a little inside the buttermilk shell and was there mostly as a vehicle for delivering more of the grits and gravy to my mouth. The roasted thigh however was transcendent, oh man, the skin was salty and delightfully crispy, the white meat was thick but still incredibly juicy. Words do not do justice to just how delicious that piece of meat was. If you go to the District it is an absolute must order. The grits and gravy were smooth and surprisingly spicy but not over powering. The collard greens were handled well and added some nice subtle bitterness to the dish. But holy crap the roasted chicken, it's all about the chicken.

Including a drink for the wife our tab came to just over $50 plus tip. All in all I think I would go back to the District, however I would just end up ordering the same damn thing. It would probably be better if they offered take out. But then I fear I would go all the time and end up eating that chicken with my hands while crouching over the to-go container in some dark, wet alley, with a crazed look in my eyes... It's probably for the best that I just never go back there.

Mussels: Po'Boys and Pickles

Let me preface this post by saying I've been to Po'Boys and Pickles a lot and as a result this is probably going to be less of a review and more of an unabashed love letter. I love this restaurant like a mother bear loves her cubs and am fiercely protective of it in the same way. Two weeks ago I was discussing my Friday night plans with a friend we'll call Roy. I mentioned that I planned on plopping my ass down at Po'Boys for an hour or so and scarfing down some delicious grub. His response was something along of the lines of "Oh that place on Forest Ave? Yeah it's OK, kind of expensive..." When I originally broached the subject I was expecting Roy to fall all over himself expressing his adoration for their blackened fish sandwich or their gravy fries or their milkshakes. In my vision we would triumphantly agree, hold hands and skip down the street together singing the praises of our culinary masters for all to hear. Instead his callous dismissal of something I hold so dear has been festering in my gut for half a month, if I had had a match and some gasoline I would have set him alight as penance for his shameful palate and thrifty ways. Then I would have warmed my hands on this burning corpse and invited all to gather round, witness the spectacle and delight in my tale of the time I ate a large dirty bird po'boy, a cup of red beans and rice and a side order of fried pickles in one sitting. This post is off to a great start, isn't it? On to the food!

Starter - Sweet Potato Fries - $3.00

A classic. I consider myself something of a sweet potato fry aficionado and I am bound to order them in lieu of their unsweetened bretheren at any restaurant that offers. Although probably not the best sweet potato fry I have ever had, Po'Boy's are nice and crispy and salty, not overly dense or starchy. Ketchup and New Orleans style hot sauce provided on every table add a little interest.

Amuse Bouche - Biscuits - $.65 or something ridiculous

Those in the know at Po'Boys understand that no order is complete with out a biscuit. They come out hot, buttery, flakey and delicious. And for a scant $.65 the biscuits are a truly essential addition to any meal at P'BaP. I mean that's only like 450 calories/cent, economy be damned we're eating large tonight! Did I mention how buttery they are? I did? Good, they're very buttery.

Main Course #1 - Debris Salad - $7.50

This is a favorite of the little lady, because as the term indicates she's daintier than I and enjoys things like salads. But this isn't just any salad; this a a pile of lettuce, cucumber and carrots struggling valiantly to maintain some of their vegetable dignity under the meaty weight of the almighty debris. The aptly named debris is a mix of meat scraps and juices that are softly stewed together until they become one delicious symphony of dead animal flavor. To call this dish a salad would be to give vegetarians all over the world the heart attack they so rightly deserve. This is no salad, this is a balanced meal, complete with all of the important food groups: meat soaked vegetables, meat soaked meat and ranch dressing. Satisfying indeed.

Main Course #2 - Fried Shrimp Po'Boy - Large: $11.00, Small: $6.50

Quite probably the nicest thing you could do to a shrimp would be to catch it in a large net with its entire family, slice their heads off as they suffocate, toss them in some batter and allow the magicians at P'BaP to lightly fry and serve them simply between 2 halves of soft, crusty french bread with a dab of mayo, some tomato slices and shredded lettuce. This sandwich sounds easy, it sounds like something you've had before at a million different joints. But you probably haven't had it done quite as well as the fellows at P'BaP are serving it up. Everything is perfectly proportional; the batter isn't overwhelmingly thick but it provides a great crunch and doesn't slough off the critters after a bite. Also as is unfortunately rare with fried food, the kitchen at P'BaP always takes the time to properly season everything before sending it out. The servings are huge and they overload the sandwiches with shrimp, so when you pick up the bread don't feel bad about all the crustaceans jumping back onto the plate, they'll still be plenty left between the bread and picking off the survivors once the sandwich is gone completes the experience.

Despite Roy's criticism in regards to the price we came in a little over $30 including a pop for me and a glass of wine for the wife, scientifically proving that Roy is an ass. One final note, remember to bring a few bucks cash for the jar as they're nice enough to bring the food to your table and their credit card machine doesn't let you write in a tip.