Mussels: Zapoteca

On Saturday night the wife and I ventured out to Zapoteca, occupying the space once held by Portland Pie and more recently by Siano's Pizzeria. When someone says Mexican food to me I automatically think casual, cheap and fast. Zapoteca is none of these things. Was it good? Umm, there were some good things about it but I wouldn't necessarily say I enjoyed the meal all that much. If the wife makes me wear a shirt with a collar and drop $75 I expect a lot more than we got a Zapoteca.

Appetizer - Salsa and Chips $7.00 - 3 types of salsa, one based on sweet onions and tomato chunks, a tomatillo based green one and finally a conventional pureed red tomato salsa. The last 2 were served hot which I found to be a little odd and I thought muddled the flavors some. All you could really tell was that it was hot and then spicy. The chips were out of a bag and stale. Also why the fuck am I paying $7 for chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant? Oh that's right because I'm an idiot and enjoy letting restaurants mark me up 700%. We actually ended up going through 2 servings of chips because there was such a long wait for the main courses. The 2nd set of chips were fresher and free so that's something.

Main Course - Mole Poblano Chicken Enchiladas $16 - I'm a sucker for a good mole. It satisfies some long ignored taste buds at the back of my tongue and when I see it on a menu it's hard for me to pass. Zapoteca's came on top of 3 flour tortilla chicken enchiladas with a side of refried beans. The mole itself was very nice, hitting some complex chocolate notes and finishing spicy. The refried beans had a great texture and added some much needed saltiness to counteract the sweetness of the mole. The chicken inside the enchilada's was a little dry but still serviceable. I appreciated the complete lack of cheese inside the enchiladas as it allowed the mole to stand out. Overall not the best one I've ever had but still good.

Main Course - Carnitas $21 or $22 - The wife's course came with refried beans, some sort of pickled pink veg, a couple slices of avacado and 3 flour tortillas. At the outset I would like to say, I love salty food. Whenever I crave something it's salt, never sweets. It's hard to out-salt me. That being said the salt on the pork in this dish was so aggressive it actually hurt. As I sit here typing this I am running my tongue over the canker sores that opened up inside my mouth. Every bite felt like I was eating an entire bag of Ruffles potato chips. The wife tried valiantly but could only eat half of it leaving me to choke down the rest. At $20+ there was no way I was leaving any protein on the plate no matter how unappetizing it may have been.

Dessert - Banana Bread Pudding $7.00 - Dessert became necessary after the carnitas, as both of our palettes needed a little relief from the relentless salt beatings they took. Fortunately it turned into the highlight of the meal and probably the only thing we had that was priced appropriately. The bread was soft and just sweet enough with a layer of banana pudding. A shot of tequila poured over the top was aggressive but added some interest and enhanced the aromatic elements of the dish.

Zapoteca was OK but did not offer anything markedly better than a $10 dish you can get at any other number of Mexican restaurants in the greater Portland area. Also it may just have been me and this may be nitpicky but I felt like the tables were 1-2" too low and I had to hunch over my plate to eat. With the competition for the food dollar in Portland so brutal it's hard to imagine that we'll be headed back any time soon.

Musings: Arby's thinks your life is miserable and you are pathetic

I have been fascinated by Arby's new marketing campaign, "Good Mood Food." "It's goood, mooood, fooood." Sometime this winter some PR genius decided that the best way to sell crappy roast beef and curly fries was to have a "Can you hear me now" Verizon-guy-knock-off convince people that their lives are absolute shit and the only way to bring a little sunshine into an otherwise bleak existence is by killing the voices in their heads with empty calories. Every time one of these disasters prances arrogantly across my television screen I have to sit and watch it in absolute stunned silence.

"What can't a tortoise be in a good mood?" No it can't you ass clown, shut the fuck up. If a tortoise ate one of those greasy ass sandwiches it would probably keel over and die. What, oh I'm missing the point? Fuck you there is no point. Never in my life have I seen a company so blatantly pull back the curtain with an advertising slogan and say "listen drugs aren't legal, but you know what is? Sodium and if you eat this sandwich you'll get enough of it to get you high enough to at least get through the rest of your day."

Can't they at least pretend like the people who eat at Arby's on a consistent basis don't already want to kill themselves? Good Mood Food sounds like the last resort of a dying brand. "OK, we've tried telling people about healthy options, they didn't like that. We tried to emphasize the quality of our food, they saw right through it. The only thing left is to emphasize that life is short and hard but eating irresponsibly will dull the pain." My only hope is that the actor paid to star in these abominations is so forever tainted by the Arby's stink that he'll never be allowed to earn a living another way. The whole thing is almost enough to get me to stop watching TV, almost.

Mussels: Deux Cochon

Hungry for a quick bite before some reading and lounging in the East End this Saturday, the wife and I stopped in to the newly established Deux Cochon above Big Sky Bread Company in Monument Square. Lured in by the promise of barbecue and slow southern cooking on a strategically placed sandwich board outside, we climbed the stairs and found Deux Cochon to be a little booth occupying the space formerly inhabited by the apparently defunct and enthusiastically named Peanut Butter, Jelly Time(!). I have only been to the restaurants above Big Sky a handful of times and then only for the delicious individual pizzas at Pie in the Sky. But I remember seeing PBJT and I may be wrong but it looked like the same guy who ran that has rebranded and is now running Deux Cochon. The menu was somewhat limited, 3-4 different sandwiches, a ribs plate and some smaller appetizers, boiled peanuts (umm no thanks) and pickles. Appetizers were $3-$4 and all of the entrees (so to speak) were $6-$7. I opted for the old stand bye, pulled pork while the wife went to the specials board for the "chicken relish sandwich" or some similar combination of words that don't belong together.

Pulled Pork Sandwich - $6.00 - Born and bred in the Northeast I think it would certainly be fair to classify myself as a barbecue novice. To me a barbecue is grilling the shit out of meat over an open flame, barbecue sauce is ketchup based and made cheaply by some guy who refers to himself as Sweet Baby Ray. I had heard rumors about other parts of the country smoking large cuts of meat for hours over indirect heat and using a vinegar based sauce but it was something that I had really only experienced vicariously on TV. In fact as far as food porn goes the thought of a vinegar based barbecue sauce had always left me somewhat flaccid. Much to my surprise a little booth in an old PB&J stand provided my first taste of "real" barbecue. The pork was tender and cautiously basted in a very delicious vinegar sauce that provided a nice counterbalance to the richness of the meat without overpowering it. More BBQ sauce was offered but I felt the sandwich was dressed appropriately. The bread was a regular hamburger bun slathered in butter and toasted on a skillet. That green thing in the skewer is pickled okra which the owner asked me "not to be afraid of." I wasn't and it was OK.

Pulled Chicken Sandwich - $6.50 - The wife's option, chicken relish or something like that, turned out to be a rather ordinary pulled chicken sandwich. The chicken had a little bit of a smokey overture and was adorned with some mild house pickles atop the same buttered hamburger bun. The chicken did not have much of anything in terms of sauce but was tasty nonetheless.The best part of her choice was the generous shards of skin left in among the very moist white meat. I was only allowed one cursory bite of her sandwich but she was satisfied with it and I happily collected the discarded scraps of chicken skin left on the plate.

The owner (I swear it's the same guy who I always saw at PBJT) was very nice and seemed genuinely concerned with whether or not we enjoyed the meal. The return of 2 very clean plates seemed to speak for itself. The only complaint I have is $6 and $6.50 is a pretty steep price for 2 sandwiches. Neither of us found the sandwiches to be overstuffed with meat and at that price it would have been nice to have a little something besides the okra on the side. If we go again I'll have to loosen up the purse strings and get some biscuits and gravy on the side. Boiled peanuts? Umm, fuck no.

Mussels: The District

In the mood for something new last Friday, the wife and I ventured out to the District on Danforth Street just west of the Old Port. Walking in my spider sense immediately started tingling, trying to warn me I had just entered a douchy bar. The signs were everywhere; cold (some would say sleek) color scheme, empty walls, 80% of the staff had unnecessary tattoos and a couple of ridiculously dressed (ahem) ladies bellied up to the bar. We took our place at the high tops next to the (ahem) ladies and hoped for the best while preparing for the worst. The menu seemed to be typical bar fare with a heavier emphasis on seafood. I must say upfront that although I wasn't impressed by my surroundings, once I started shoving food down my throat the mood quickly lightened.

Starter - Maine Crab Meat Fritters $9.00 - There were 5 of these things when the plate was dropped off but 2 were gone before I could get my phone out my pocket. They were a little light on the crab, but they were still fried crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside, i.e. fucking delicious. Probably not worth $1.80 a fritter and I wouldn't get them again but a good start none-the-less. That red stuff is ketchup, the white is tartar sauce, neither was notable or necessary.

Wife's Meal - Bacon Cheeseburger with Fries $12.00 - Yeah, sure it's a just a burger and fries. But damnit there is something to be said for ordering meat medium rare and getting it medium fucking rare. This thing was large, bloody, and delicious just the way a burger should be. Most of the fries ended up in my stomach which was ideal as they were hand cut with great texture and just the right amount of salt.

My Meal - Roasted and Fried Chicken with Grits, Greens and Gravy $17.00 - Holy shit. This was amazing. The plate had two cuts of chicken, one fried, one roasted, delicately placed atop a bed of spicy grits, gravy and collard greens. The fried chicken cutlet was by far the worst component. It seemed to shrink a little inside the buttermilk shell and was there mostly as a vehicle for delivering more of the grits and gravy to my mouth. The roasted thigh however was transcendent, oh man, the skin was salty and delightfully crispy, the white meat was thick but still incredibly juicy. Words do not do justice to just how delicious that piece of meat was. If you go to the District it is an absolute must order. The grits and gravy were smooth and surprisingly spicy but not over powering. The collard greens were handled well and added some nice subtle bitterness to the dish. But holy crap the roasted chicken, it's all about the chicken.

Including a drink for the wife our tab came to just over $50 plus tip. All in all I think I would go back to the District, however I would just end up ordering the same damn thing. It would probably be better if they offered take out. But then I fear I would go all the time and end up eating that chicken with my hands while crouching over the to-go container in some dark, wet alley, with a crazed look in my eyes... It's probably for the best that I just never go back there.

Music: Laura Stevenson and the Cans - Sit Resist

Ever since I heard "Landslide Song/The Dig" on 2008's A Record I have been eagerly, breathlessly, slobberingly (?) awaiting a proper album from Laura Stevenson. In the interim 2.5 years she has teased me with a handful of delightfully tight, catchy songs spread across various E.P.s, splits and demoes. But nothing could have prepared me the sonic meal my eardrums were treated to when I finally had a chance to spin Sit Resist. Lacking any real recording quality A Record was nice but more of a demo than anything. LSatC's sophomore effort however is the shit . . . the fucking shit. The songs range from pop to ska to bluegrass all the while maintaining a cohesion united by Laura's bright voice and dark stories.

If this album was on a major label and subject to radio play, I suppose the first single would be "Master of Art." A song which showcases LSatC's ability to start hauntingly slow and build to a powerful crescendo that will leave you unconsciously tapping your feet and banging your head like Wayne and Garth.

And while that song is undoubtedly great I prefer the darker "The Heathly One" where LSatCs hide a bleak tale of a family's impending doom beneath a bright, poppy beat. On it Laura repeatedly croons:

-You will live long

You will bury them all in the ground

And your body will grow,

You will bury them all . . . It hurts to be the healthy one -

That chilling refrain is indicative of what truly separates and elevates Sit Resist into greatness; a lyrical darkness that adds substance to an aggressive and often fun musical accompaniment. Sit Resist is extremely re-listenable and you'll continue to mine previously undiscovered nuggets on the 10th - 20th - 30th listen. I got the MP3's when I pre-ordered the vinyl 3 weeks ago and ever since it has maintained a Million Dollar Man like choke hold on my iPod, laptop and now with the arrival of the full package, my turntable.

The best thing I can say about Sit Resist is that Laura resisted the urge to make something sweet, something easy. Despite her enchanting voice, this isn't baby-making music, there is nothing happy or nice in Laura's world. The songwriting acts as sandpaper to the music's more refined edges, roughing it up and taking the entire album to a dark place, where loneliness is the rule and there is no escape. I've listened to this album so obsessively for the past 3 weeks that my wife has at times found herself questioning my commitment to our marriage.

15 minutes ago:

Wife - "What're you writing about?"

Me - "Laura Stevenson"

Wife - "Oh great. Should I be worried."

Me - "Why is she touring Portland?"

But fear not Wifey, Laura isn't the type of woman you would want to settle down with. She clearly writes from a lonely place where fucked up demons and gargoyles lurk in the shadows, a place where selfishly, I hope she stays.

10/10

Updated world rankings for 2011:

1) Sit Resist

2) Au Diable Les Bananes

3) The Anarchy and the Ecstasy

Mussels: Po'Boys and Pickles

Let me preface this post by saying I've been to Po'Boys and Pickles a lot and as a result this is probably going to be less of a review and more of an unabashed love letter. I love this restaurant like a mother bear loves her cubs and am fiercely protective of it in the same way. Two weeks ago I was discussing my Friday night plans with a friend we'll call Roy. I mentioned that I planned on plopping my ass down at Po'Boys for an hour or so and scarfing down some delicious grub. His response was something along of the lines of "Oh that place on Forest Ave? Yeah it's OK, kind of expensive..." When I originally broached the subject I was expecting Roy to fall all over himself expressing his adoration for their blackened fish sandwich or their gravy fries or their milkshakes. In my vision we would triumphantly agree, hold hands and skip down the street together singing the praises of our culinary masters for all to hear. Instead his callous dismissal of something I hold so dear has been festering in my gut for half a month, if I had had a match and some gasoline I would have set him alight as penance for his shameful palate and thrifty ways. Then I would have warmed my hands on this burning corpse and invited all to gather round, witness the spectacle and delight in my tale of the time I ate a large dirty bird po'boy, a cup of red beans and rice and a side order of fried pickles in one sitting. This post is off to a great start, isn't it? On to the food!

Starter - Sweet Potato Fries - $3.00

A classic. I consider myself something of a sweet potato fry aficionado and I am bound to order them in lieu of their unsweetened bretheren at any restaurant that offers. Although probably not the best sweet potato fry I have ever had, Po'Boy's are nice and crispy and salty, not overly dense or starchy. Ketchup and New Orleans style hot sauce provided on every table add a little interest.

Amuse Bouche - Biscuits - $.65 or something ridiculous

Those in the know at Po'Boys understand that no order is complete with out a biscuit. They come out hot, buttery, flakey and delicious. And for a scant $.65 the biscuits are a truly essential addition to any meal at P'BaP. I mean that's only like 450 calories/cent, economy be damned we're eating large tonight! Did I mention how buttery they are? I did? Good, they're very buttery.

Main Course #1 - Debris Salad - $7.50

This is a favorite of the little lady, because as the term indicates she's daintier than I and enjoys things like salads. But this isn't just any salad; this a a pile of lettuce, cucumber and carrots struggling valiantly to maintain some of their vegetable dignity under the meaty weight of the almighty debris. The aptly named debris is a mix of meat scraps and juices that are softly stewed together until they become one delicious symphony of dead animal flavor. To call this dish a salad would be to give vegetarians all over the world the heart attack they so rightly deserve. This is no salad, this is a balanced meal, complete with all of the important food groups: meat soaked vegetables, meat soaked meat and ranch dressing. Satisfying indeed.

Main Course #2 - Fried Shrimp Po'Boy - Large: $11.00, Small: $6.50

Quite probably the nicest thing you could do to a shrimp would be to catch it in a large net with its entire family, slice their heads off as they suffocate, toss them in some batter and allow the magicians at P'BaP to lightly fry and serve them simply between 2 halves of soft, crusty french bread with a dab of mayo, some tomato slices and shredded lettuce. This sandwich sounds easy, it sounds like something you've had before at a million different joints. But you probably haven't had it done quite as well as the fellows at P'BaP are serving it up. Everything is perfectly proportional; the batter isn't overwhelmingly thick but it provides a great crunch and doesn't slough off the critters after a bite. Also as is unfortunately rare with fried food, the kitchen at P'BaP always takes the time to properly season everything before sending it out. The servings are huge and they overload the sandwiches with shrimp, so when you pick up the bread don't feel bad about all the crustaceans jumping back onto the plate, they'll still be plenty left between the bread and picking off the survivors once the sandwich is gone completes the experience.

Despite Roy's criticism in regards to the price we came in a little over $30 including a pop for me and a glass of wine for the wife, scientifically proving that Roy is an ass. One final note, remember to bring a few bucks cash for the jar as they're nice enough to bring the food to your table and their credit card machine doesn't let you write in a tip.

Mussels: Fleur De Lys San Francisco

Ahh San Francisco, so hilly, so rainy, so full of good food, but seriously so fucking hilly. In between struggling up inclines that would give most black diamonds an inferiority complex and dodging legions of super aggressive panhandlers, the wife and I had a chance to dine at Hubert Keller's Fleur De Lys. 4 courses, $80+/person, here we go.

Amuse Bouche: A very earthy quinoa and cold gazpacho with a savory whipped cream topping.

Nothing spectacular here, but an OK start to the meal. I could have done without the heavy cream on top of the gazpacho, but the gazpacho itself was very smooth and flavorful. Certainly nothing I haven't had before but it started the meal off nicely.

Course #1: Vegetable Ragout w/ egg, truffles and port wine sauce.

Out of the 8 different appetizer options I picked this off the menu to start because as Anthony Bourdain would say "I'm a total egg slut." It may be tough to tell in the picture but that's a perfectly poached egg nestled into the debris of legumes. I split the sum bitch open and let the runny yolk wrestle the nicely cooked vegetables into submission. Overall this dish left me wanting more, more egg, more salt, more egg. Although the veggies were cooked expertly I felt this dish fell a little flat, especially once the delicious yellowy goodness of the yolk had been sopped up. A few pinches of sea salt were provided separately on a butter dish but at $80/meal I felt I shouldn't have to re-season my food.

Course #2: Wild Jumbo Prawn w/ Brioche Crust.

Those big wads of deliciousness sitting ever so innocently next to that big ol' shrimp is pork mother-fucking belly. There are basically 4 ingredients in this dish, butter, shrimp, beans, and pork belly. You could add fatty bacon (and butter!) to a shoe and I would shovel it down the gullet, smile and beg for seconds. The only thing wrong with this dish is that it wasn't part of some wonderful "all you can eat buffet in heaven." Whomever said "you should always leave them wanting more" is an asshole, I needed about 50 of these.

Course #3: Roasted Venison Chop with chorizo, bok choy in a red wine reduction.

Hailing from Maine, I felt it was my obligation to pass on the more glamourous lamb, duck and filet mignon options in favor of a little Bambi for my meat course. Although the chorizo tried valiantly to elevate this dish into something special, the cut of meat itself suffered from a lack of basic salt and pepper. The chop was cooked appropriately, a nice medium rare, but I find that venison is such a lean meat that it needs to be seasoned more vigorously to make up for the lack of fat(flavor.) This course was OK but not exactly what I was expecting from a restaurant of this stature.

Dessert Course: Dark Chocolate Espresso Mousse.

After a disappointing meat course I was completely blown away by finish of the meal. 3 different components, the mousse, a truffle with fried coconut on the outside and chocolate meringue provided a deliciously sweet end to what I felt was ultimately a disappointing experience. The truffle melted in my mouth and the mousse was balanced nicely by the white chocolate pieces that adorned the top.

Beyond the food I was also disappointed in the atmosphere created at Fleur de Lys. I found it almost oppressively dark and heavy with the walls and ceiling all covered with heavy drapery. One large chandelier in the middle of the small and full dining room provided the majority of the light. Although I was left non-plussed by the food the wife and I both found the service to be attentive, knowledgeable and friendly. We encountered no snobbish curtness that one could imagine at a joint this classy and no one seemed to mind the idiot(me,) sitting in the back taking pictures of his food on his iphone. Instead we were impressed by the relaxed tone and quick drink/bread refills from the entire staff. On a different night with some different menu choices I could imagine the experience living up to the expensive price tag and staggering reputation of it's head chef. But overall my experience left me hungrier and poorer than I really had a right to be. I don't suffer delicate food well and the calories consumed Fleur De Lys were quickly burned off with the 2 blocks of the vertical climb back to my hotel room.